But now that I’ve been dating for a while, I’m realizing that the crayons are broken, and I have no idea how to draw. Dating is a chaotic roller coaster with no safety bar to hold onto. I’m not going to get into how people meet; I’m talking about the unfolding process—in one word, . When you look at it this way, you can take the pressure off and leave room for it to be a human experience, possibly a spiritual one, and it’s easier to not make it about the ego, and how things play out — because at the end of the day, no one really knows. It’s a choice to look at it this way, and if it doesn’t work out, to continue to throw love at them. If you’re getting treated like a movie extra in their blockbuster film now, that’s probably how you’ll be treated in the relationship. I struggle with this one, because I want to control everything.
Draw experiences with the entire box of crayons, if that makes sense. Asking someone to dance, and seeing how much you’re stepping on each other’s shoes. I’ve gone on many dates over the last two years, some lasting for a cup of coffee, and others for a few weeks or a couple months. Every person one dates doesn’t have to turn into a full-blown relationship for it to be meaningful. These little things become huge when you’re in a relationship.
You can live your best life ever despite not having a partner at the moment or you can wallow in your own pity. Your last statement rings a bell for me because it's about putting your trust in the universe.
You’ve never been there, but you think you know the area, and so you just go. I’m used to Waze—knowing there is a destination and getting there fast. Then there’s chemistry and magic and all that stuff that isn’t covered in self-help books. It’s all the attachments we paper clip to dating that prevent us from tasting the true nectar of human collisions. This is a pill I’ve struggled to swallow, because I don’t want to get hurt, but I especially don’t want to hurt others.What could you be doing in the meantime while you're waiting for that person to show up?What would you be doing if this were your last day on earth? But therapists have just as many, if not more, “issues” than our clients: John Kim is impatient. If you’re a fitness coach, your fitness standards are higher. What makes dating feel like water torture are expectations, timelines, outcomes, game playing, judgment, pressure, not communicating (leaving people in the dark), and checklists. But also puts pressure on himself because of what he does.