Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. ” My second reaction, close on the heels of the first, would be a coping mechanism that I learned long ago: I calmly tell myself, “This is perfectly normal and innocent. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.The topic of dating and relationships came up and we started talking about my story. In my life it meant never having a crush on a guy, never allowing myself to “fall in love.” Basically, training myself to shut down a normal, healthy, functioning part of my human heart. I told her if she was to walk out of the room, leaving me and her husband in the same room, my first reaction would be one of panic. My hope is that we can come to truth on what it really looks like to love your neighbor as yourself rather than loving yourself and not your neighbor. We had tons of mistakes and the consequences that remained. We have read many of the books you mention, I agree there can and is much legalism to be found if that is what you want.Sometimes it’s actually comforting to me to be met with blank or incredulous stares from people I consider “normal,” good Christians. I’m 27 years old, and I’ve been married for almost 7 years. Shame because sometimes you can’t help but like one guy a little more than another. Pride because you are so much more spiritual than that poor girl over there who is crying because her boyfriend broke up with her. They made up laws that God never condoned, then patted themselves on the back for keeping them, while looking down on those who didn’t. The flesh always detracts from the gospel, either in rebellion or in legalism. The flesh is happy to patted on the back for conforming or rebelling. Good doctrine is important to battle against the flesh. Emotional purity Biblical courtship = Godly marriage. You can do everything “right” and your life can still go wrong. People who follow the courtship formula still get divorced. However, what is encouraging is that most of us have determined to stop the insanity. These teachings have deep, rotten roots, and it takes time to pull them all out. They deceive us into thinking that living by formulas is “safe.” 1 1= 2. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my dysfunction, but it is discouraging as well. They can laugh and exchange wits and, yes, even drive in a car together without anybody thinking anything dubious is happening.
But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change.I define “emotional purity” in the same way that popular homeschool writers have: it is the idea of “guarding your heart.” This sounds all noble and righteous and everything but in this context is really just a facade for fear. It was Josh Harris in and the Ludy’s in several of their books that popularized the idea that everytime you fall in love or get “emotionally attached” to someone, you give away a piece of your heart. Pride because suddenly you are better than everyone else. I am still uncomfortable hugging one of my best friends who is a guy because we were taught never to hug or have physical contact, even innocent, with a guy. We were taught never ever ever to be alone with a guy because it could look bad. To say that it is wise to not guard your heart would not take into account the true experiences of many believers and nonbelievers who have suffered from the teachings of the other side. It is hard for parents to make these decisions and work through it all.The more pieces you give away, the less of your heart you have to give to your spouse someday. my best friend, my sisters, my husband, my parents, my kids. My oldest daughter has been in a non typical "courtship" which we have only used the term because we don't know one that is in the middle of worldly selfish dating and over controling prideful courting. It will be hard for you one day when you are the parent of teenagers. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. I leave you with the words of a very wise man:“To love at all is to be vulnerable.